Trail of thoughts

Since I'm not able to write properly, I'll go do freewriting. Excessively emo, don't read if you don't like emo sh*t.

It's 2008 already. I changed the blog's template. I wanted to turn it into green, or orange. But it's still pink. Kikay ftw.

After much turmoil, and I do feel there's more to come, I had a 5-hour sleep. It caused my boyfriend to worry for a while because my phone was off. I deliberately turned my phone off because I don't want to receive calls and messages while I'm getting myself some rest. I've had months of sleep and rest deprivation, it's time to go selfish. Yes, it's time to go selfish for my own happiness.

I'm trying to go on a diet. It is hard to control my food intake especially if there's a lot of food around me. I don't even exercise anymore. Most of my time is spent in front of my computer, leaving all the physical activity to my eyes (if blinking can be considered a physical activity) and my fingers. It isn't helping.

Life is being cruel to me altogether. Last year during my prelims I was so down, I wasn't able to review. And I was shocked at my scores, because they're too high. Considering that I didn't review and that my college is a low-profile school, yeah, maybe getting high grades isn't really surprising. I don't know whether to be depressed about it or not. There are stars in places where I was expecting "0"s.

It's true that people don't know what they got until it's gone. And that you would never know what you were looking for until you find it. I found a new love so fast, I could compare it to reckless driving. One moment I was taking time to drive on one side of the road, when all of a sudden I decided to go speed up, crash, collide and make a quick turn just in time to change lanes. People around me are either applauding me for the exhibition, or screaming profanity at the foolishness. I don't care. For once, I will try to stop thinking about what other people are saying, and I'll make it so that eventually, my decision is something they'd agree to: hook, line and sinker. I won't go drama that this love is like a you-and-me-against-the-world, because it really isn't, people are just trying to make things hard for us because they are envious. That, or they found it happening too fast to be real. Basta, time will tell.

I am being a bitch because my period is late again. It always is. While I find it relieving not to get it every month, it's kinda frustrating how I can never predict the exact or approximate time I'm gonna have my period. Should I go see a doctor? Maybe yes, maybe no.

I'm being random, am I? Sometimes my feelings are all jumbled together, the right words to describe them are elusive. That, or I use something to inappropriately identify them. It leaves me confused, doing it that way. It's like I always have some sorting out to do.

It's sad how I make a to-do list when I can't even give it much attention. It's either I start neglecting it or I scratch it out and do another one. It's sad how sometimes, I make a to-do list even without the intention of fulfilling the things I was writing. I am a sucker for making and keeping priorities. Hopefully this time around I can do better.

I am amazed at how long I've been playing Ragnarok. It's like a past-time cum addiction. I'm not playing it as hard-core as I used to do. And I'm not using 3rd party programs anymore. It feels good to do it that way. I haven't been online for a while because of real-life priorities.

I asked a special someone if we could go ice skating on Saturday. He agreed, and so we will. The thing is, it's been a decade since I last wore roller blades. And roller blades, I think, are far more different than ice skates. I still don't know why I asked for it. "Anong alam ko sa ice skating?" Nothing, I don't know anything about ice skating. Maybe partly because I wanted to try something new for a change. And with him to teach me how (for free yay.. lol), figuratively speaking, I'm surrendering.

La la la love. Ha ha ha happiness. I'm all mixed up right now and I just had to follow the trail of thoughts and random mumblings going on inside my head. It makes me feel better, yes it does.