Humor me out of this bleakness

Here is a picture that says so many things about tonight.


This eternal melancholia. I will drown in it because I choose to. If happiness is a choice then sadness, is too. A state of mind, actually. But you do not permit me to.

No, I will not argue. You do not want to listen, I will not tell. I will not share to you this piece of me and for that, you will never have me whole. You can put a smile on my face but it will never be real, genuine like the tears falling down my face.

There are many things in this world to be sad about. I will never be content at being happy. No, that is too boring. Life is about ups and downs sometimes and if you don't look at it that way, see what you want to see. I would then have the right to say that you do not see things for what they really are. You do not have to analyze, I have everything laid out in front of you.

This is me, I'm sad. It's dark, lonely and cold. And I am needy.

I am not requiring you to comfort me, nor to make me happy. I didn't want you to join me in my sadness, I'm sorry if you were getting affected with me being so lonely. I just needed to talk and you were not in the mood for it. That hurt me, and me in my sensitive sad state, ran away and hid in a cave. Now I am twice as sad as I was earlier. I will be sad again next time, I won't tell you why. I won't even tell you I am.

It felt better when I was talking to a stranger, yes. Because strangers don't care too much to ignore when one wants to talk. You are no longer a stranger, involved, yes. Maybe you over-analyzed how I was feeling, maybe I projected too much loneliness and pain. I am sorry for being inconsiderate of your feelings. I have been too sentimental.

Melancholy is too addictive.

Later, the sun will rise. I may no longer be sad, but I will remember what happened and you will not. Should I be happy about that? You forgetting? There are things that does not need and does not call for explanation, but it does not mean there's nothing left to discuss. It doesn't always go that way. But then I've decided I will stop talking. I won't bother you anymore since I am not psychic to know when you will be in the mood to introspect.

Humor me like you always do. I will laugh, and it will whitewash the fences. Look, it will even put a smile on my face.