Poolside 0819

I sat there, by the edge of the swimming pool, waters reaching almost up to my knees.. I kicked to and fro. The warm water felt good in contrast to this cold night.. I looked far to my left.. the cottage was there, you were there.. she was there..

Both of you. Sitting together.. I could almost die. Almost, but not yet.

I kicked angrily, sending water splashing a bit loudly. I jumped into the pool, swam to the other side. Even doused with warm water, I felt cold inside. Then again a bit angry and a trifle jealous.
Excusing myself I went to the bathroom. I cried as soon as I went inside the cubicle. Just a well-timed tear as if what was happening is part of a sappy telenovela. Quickly I wiped my face. There’s no point letting the tears out.
I tried walking towards the cottage. Halfway to where you are, I saw her smiling at you, laughing. I couldn’t take it. I turned and went back by the edge of the pool where I was sitting earlier. My head was titled to the right, placed an angle so I could see still see you. Both of you. More light kicks in the water. Your eyes met mine. Quickly I went into the pool, knees slightly bent to immerse me up to my ears. Just so the tears won’t show. Just so the water could hide the tears.
I wish I could gather all these tears so I could f* drown you in them.

And when I felt that staying in the pool won’t do me any good.. When I felt I would hurt myself more by looking at you.. I went ahead and said goodbye. I couldn’t bring myself to talk to you anymore.. Just a simple goodbye and a kiss. All of these filled the gap. I felt like I was with you the whole time.

All I had to do was repeat that last moment in my mind. The way I repeat in my head the moment you told me you loved me, but somehow we decided to be just friends.