I am suffering from an upset stomach and sleep deprivation. I time traveled tonight and listened to myself talking about loneliness and death. And I shivered and thought, who is this sad lonely person? Who is she, I do not know her. I do not know her at all.
I got scared that I do not know myself enough. Maybe there's more to me, more to me than that person full of misery, self-pity and insecurities. Maybe inside me lies hope and with that optimism, the ability to change myself and set myself free from my chains.
But you know what scared me the most? I got scared at the thought that I have never changed, and that beneath this happiness that blankets me right now lies a cold angry person who no longer sees life as something worthwhile. And she is in deep slumber, waiting for that final moment to wake up and take over me once more.
I know. I'm being too melancholic again. This just ends in more sleep deprivation and an even more upset stomach.
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